Circumstances Can Change Quickly
Two weeks ago, I called my dad to see how he was feeling as he’d been admitted to the hospital the day before for congestive heart failure — the second time in as many months.
My dad is normally low-key and stoic so when I heard how agitated he was, I knew something was very wrong.
Evidently, that morning, my mom, alone at home, had collapsed and was unable to get up. Since all the doors were locked, our neighbors couldn’t get in, and my dad felt powerless to help his wife of 61 years.
First responders were on their way, but clearly, my parents needed some help so I canceled my afternoon coaching sessions, grabbed some clothes and a toothbrush, and caught the next flight to Sacramento.
I rented a car at the airport and drove straight to the hospital where I would alternate between seeing my mom in the ER and my dad on the fourth floor of another building within the sprawling Kaiser Permanente campus.
The following day, the nurses caring for my dad learned about my mom's situation and promptly arranged for her to be assigned a bed on the same floor as him. This considerate gesture meant I only had to walk down the corridor between visits.
When my dad was discharged, I brought him home much to the chagrin of his doctor who preferred him go to a nursing rehab center. My dad declined because he worried my mom would be released while he was in the care center.
My dad knew, but I hadn’t fully realized the extent to which he had been taking care of my mom the past few years. Sometimes stoicism isn't the best strategy. Had we known, we could have had already had a trusted caregiver in place. 🤦♀️
“Normal” Life Can Change in an Instant
A mere two weeks ago, I had no idea what “long-term care” was or its piece in the vast puzzle of healthcare.
Today, I have deep knowledge of its intricacies as well as a whole glossary of terms such as Licensed Nursing Facility, Advanced Directive, DNR (No Not Resuscitate), Power of Attorney, home services vs. nursing care, Veteran’s Assistance, and more prescription medications than seems fathomable.
We eventually moved my mom to a skilled care facility to recover which buys me another week or two to get some in-home nursing and household help set up for both her and my dad.
Why am I sharing all this with you?
For one, this experience has made me even more passionate about the energetic tools we teach and practice here at Ascended Presence -- they really do help us navigate both regular life and unexpected crises with more ease, grace, and even gratitude.
For example, rather than get caught up in the urgency and drama of this situation, I was able to maintain my emotional equilibrium even when my physical energy was empty.
This doesn’t mean I didn’t or don’t care, quite the contrary.
Using my energetic tools, however, enabled me to remain neutral without judging our circumstances as good or bad.
I was also able to be fully present with my parents rather than having my attention:
in the past admonishing myself for not grasping the extent of their health decline earlier
out in the future worrying about how things were going to turn out
back in Santa Barbara with my own family
worrying about the projects at Ascended Presence I put on hold during this time
This presence also enabled my mom, dad, and I to have a more heartfelt and meaningful connection than ever in our fifty-year-plus relationship. 💗
I'm guessing more of us want to have deeper conversations with our loved ones, but we'd rather not get choked up or break down crying in front of them so we stop before our emotions hijack or embarrass us.
Being able to process intense emotions so we can be calm and and caring is just one of the benefits of doing energy work.
Why We Train in Advance
I was also reminded that it’s much easier if we learn and practice energetic and emotional management tools when the stakes are lower, ie before a crisis hits.
That way we're already confident in using them in times of distress – similar to how you train for a marathon before the big event so you have a greater chance of success. 🎉
Parent Care Coffee Chat
I've gone from being naive to having a PhD in elder care in a matter of weeks, but it was an arduous and exhausting learning curve.
Why aren't we talking about this more?
Why aren't we sharing pro tips with each other?
Where do we get the emotional support we need for this often slow and drawn-out, or sometimes sudden life transition?
I’ll be hosting some Parent Care Coffee Chats in our Ascended Presence Circle.
This experience was literally one of the most stressful of my life! And that is saying a LOT given I’d already overcome years of infertility trying to get these amazing kids, survived cancer while completing grad school, and moved internationally three times in two years.